he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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