i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
