yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
