I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
