Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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