Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
