Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
