I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ttyl tear gas
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
