she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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