Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
