Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
