is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
