She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
