I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
