i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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