So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
