Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
