She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
