Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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