I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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