did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
