we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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