dude i'm inner monologue high
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
