my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
