I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
