I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
