nut hugger
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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