Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
