Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
