i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
