Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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