your parents love me but you hate me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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