Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your cock deserves a montage
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
