idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
