He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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