new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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