3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
