What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
