So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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