You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
