his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
