I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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