Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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