a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Please, let me fuck your mom
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
