I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
