no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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