I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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