OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
