I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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