I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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