i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize