Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
