living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
