dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
