when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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