did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
