Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
