is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
