you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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