how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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