Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
