just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I could make wine with my vomit
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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