happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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