Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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