If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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