WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
